My Art and Life Blog

Plant, Monday, October 11, 2010

2010-10-11T14:48:00.001-07:00

This is a contour line drawing of the plant in my window that I got from a friend when Lucky passed away. The Flowers are all gone from it now, but I have managed to keep the plant alive. As I post this, I am looking out my bedroom window. I have decided to use my desk more now that I have it accessible and have begun working at it. It helps my sleep a lot because I am not doing everything in my bed, also helps my neck and shoulders because I am sitting properly. Anyway, I mention this because I am having a joyous time watching the squirrel that has taken up residence in our back storage area run back and forth across the yard in front of my window. He does not stop long enough for me to draw him, but he is delightful to watch. Praise God for little animals, windows to the world, and days off.

Peacock Feather, Sunday, October 10, 2010

2010-10-10T14:31:00.001-07:00

I fun little drawing with watercolor pencils without getting them wet.

Landscape, Friday, October 8, 2010

2010-10-08T07:00:00.000-07:00

I have been playing around with ink intense watercolor pencils. They are fun to work with. I painted this off of a watercolor pencil book by Cathy Johnson called Watercolor Pencil Magic.

Black Eyed Susan, Wednesday, October 6, 2010

2010-10-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Another sketch from the wildflowers at the Abbey.

Pink Flower, Tuesday, October 5, 2010

2010-10-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

I got these flowers from the store several weeks ago and was sitting at the table studying with a pencil highlighter and did this little sketch. It was quite fun and relaxing.

Purple Flower from Abbey, Sunday, October 3, 2010

2010-10-03T14:15:00.001-07:00

This is a little purple flower from a bunch that were growing at the Santa Rita Abbey when I was there last month. I sat on the grown and painted this in my little watercolor sketchbook.

Sunday, September 19, 2010, Check in

2010-09-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

Life has been a bit full these past many months. I was on Mountain Solitude this morning realizing that I have left many of my life-embracing things (art and music) behind me and I long for them often. I try to integrate them back in, but there are so many other demands out there. I have also been missing my long time companion and even brought in the children's dog that usually sleeps in a kennel to sleep with me on Friday night. Here is a picture of my long time pet, Lucky, who died two months ago. I am praying and I think God has revealed some light on how I can integrate some of my loves of art and music back into my life. I even played my songs that I have written twice in the last three days and it has been so awesome to praise God with my heart and love. I did do some painting at the Abbey three weeks ago and never posted anything, so maybe I will be able to get some of that up as well.

Deep Longing Poem

2010-08-28T20:35:00.001-07:00

Deep longing still sits there in my soul;
How can You comfort me?
The question glares at me like a neon light
Exposing the bare nakedness and emptiness
That lies within this wounded heart
I pursued so many souls this week,
Poured myself into so many lives,
Solved this problem here and there,
Trained this thing, taught on that thing,
Exhaustedly fell into bed and was kissed by You
With a simple scripture or an answered prayer;
I longed for real live arms around me,
A voice back to me to process my crazy head.
We even had one night of extra time
You showed me so much in Your word;
I struggled to sleep because I messed up my meds;
The next day I longed for someone to ask me,
To see what was going on with me to prop,
Not to just ask a general question
That I could easily answer,
But for someone to truly explore my depths.
A got a hug from a friend which got me through.
I got the love of a father to finish up the week
And remind me that I am not You to all these,
I give more, take care of myself the best I can
As the wounded, flawed creature I am.
And now I am here, beginning the Sabbath,
Our time, left with my longings;
To not be sitting here crying, alone,
To have a relationship that I can call my own,
To be pursued the way I pursue and love.
And yet, I am not alone here.
You are here as always.
I wish You had arms, and hands, and eyes;
I wish I could talk to You here in my room
Like the disciples talked to Jesus in the upper room.
I want to lean on Your breast like John;
I want to weep at Your feet like the women,
I want You to embrace me like You did the children.
I want You to wipe my tears like You will in Heaven.

Seeking Solutions Poem, Saturday, August 21, 2010

2010-08-21T16:40:00.000-07:00

Seeking solutions, if I can only get it right . . .
All will be okay in my life,
I will be happy and joyous,
The emptiness will be gone,
The pain and sadness will go away,
The obsession and compulsion will disappear,
Cycling of depression and mania will vanish.
If I can only talk to the right person,
If I can only do enough good to make up for the bad,
Hear the right message,
Do the right workbook, action, feel right, be right . . .
If I could only fix my brain and thoughts,
Make people happy, have them affirm me, have them like me,
If I could only be in a romantic relationship, have kids,
If I could only have my own house, be financially out of debt.
If I could only kill my flesh more and not listen to Satan. . . .

What happened to contentment and peace and joy?
What happened to not even judging myself
But listening to the Holy Spirit for conviction and repentance?
What happened to repentance and rest being my salvation
And quietness and trust being my strength?
What happened to resting and sharing in the safety of Jesus’ community?
What happened to the comfy chair of God’s unconditional love?
What happened to relying on God to change me
Because I cannot and will never be able to change myself.
What happened to the Gospel and Jesus that cleanses me?
What happened to the only sacrifice that matters
And the only Grand Story that really has impact?

Jesus, Abba, bring me to my knees and to Your heart.
Fill my empty heart with You, take away my foolish idols.

Rambling Poem on Grief, Saturday, July 31, 2010

2010-07-31T17:33:00.000-07:00

For over ten years, I had processed life with you.
It helped me to process life with God in turn;
You did not understand me most of the time,
But you responded with a head move, a noise,
I would call it talking to me, and you would great me always.
You loved me unconditionally at all times even as you died,
And helped me to believe that God did the same.
I am really struggling processing my life now –
Don’t process very well in my head and
I cannot seem to get over this disconnect with You, Abba.
In my head, I know You are here..
And in my head, I will talk to You,
But that makes me go in loops and circles
Which never seem to get nowhere
And then I just turn to meditating which processes nothing.
I try to talk out loud, but are You really here?
Do You really care and will You really respond to me?
I break down with people who seem so much safer;
I run away and avoid the whole thing,
Making everything build up worse and worse.
I fight to take care of myself, my constant battle
When I just want to do something to shut down,
I get annoyed because even the slightest thing done
Makes me feel sick, disgusting, and worse than I started!
So, I lay here having actually taken care of myself today.
Having melted down to a friend and runaway multiple times,
I have trapped myself in the tiny space of my room
And as I am in here I feel cluster phobic because of my stubbornness.
You gave me a beautiful day of rain, picking peaches, and friends,
But it had this void in it; this overwhelming sadness and loss.
You have taken my companion and want me to turn to You,
But I refuse to let You comfort me in my grieve.
You did this hurtful thing, You allowed more pain and suffering;
Why should I let You touch my heart with Your tenderness?
And if I don’t I am left with more insanity then I can handle,
I am hedged in yet again, perfectly by Your plan.
A choice of five hours of comfort and then finally a good night sleep,
Or five hours of mental torture and more restless, fighting sleep.
Why didn’t You make me nice soft, easy soil for Your seeds?

Necklace Holder, Saturday, July 24, 2010

2010-07-24T15:08:00.000-07:00

So on Thursday morning at 2am, I lost my dear pet, Lucky, who I had for 10 and a half years. Valley Fever had taken over her nervous system in her brain. I have been crying and lot, mourning a lot and just missing her. I went on a cleaning, organizational rampage today and I pulled out my dresser drawer that has all my necklaces. About three years ago or maybe longer, I was asking people to give me necklaces so I could walk into my femininity. I really like them. I also meet two people who make jewelry two years ago and they have given many many beautiful things. But they were all cluttered and tangled in this drawer and I had a resorted to wearing my favorite cross that my sister gave me for Christmas everyday. Today, I decided to make a necklace holder that would go on the wall. It is not perfect, I measured nothing, just the way I wanted it, simple, and to the point and kind of whimsical. It is all made with stuff that the house already had: wood from the back yard, nails that I found in my room while I was organizing, acrylic paint that I had, and the tools that the house already owned. And know I have all my stuff in view, untangled, and high enough for children to not easily reach. And my necklaces bring beauty and joy to my room.

Blessing, Monday, July 19, 2010

2010-07-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

“Just as important as your medication,”
The words echo as I spend time with You,
Are you my drug, my addiction?
This is what Paul meant by contentment,
It is only You who bring peace and calm,
No matter what the storm or problem or pain.
I took You for granted this past week,
And I crashed and burned into Satan’s lies.
I gave and gave and emptied my soul;
Such an easy target my heart and mind became,

How amazing it is that You are right there!!
You never moved, never turned, never went away,
Right there to refresh my soul and sooth my wounds
When I turned to seek Your holy face.
Why cannot I just rest in the comfy chair with You?
Why must I fight and bicker and be so independent?
I wonder sometimes after one of these episodes,
“What does He really think of me?”
Those are the times I wish I could see Jesus’ eyes,
You have blessed me much but never with this.

Chinese Spontaneous Flower, Sunday, July 18, 2010

2010-07-18T15:34:00.001-07:00

Had Mountain Solitude today and just lavished up the joy of being with God surround by the beauty of His creation and nature. The cool air, trees, and this red squirrel that kept dropping leaves and pine cones out of the tree about five feet away from me. He or she was huge. My soul so needed the time with God and the time away. I was realizing how busy this week had been and how I had not slowed down much just to let Him nurture my soul. So I decided to one of my funniest things today with my art and do a wet into wet flower. This is from the Chinese watercolor book by the same artist that the fish from previous days come from. It was a lot of fun to do. Just playing around.

Reflections on the day, Saturday, July 17, 2010

2010-07-17T17:05:00.000-07:00

Reflections on the day. I was really busy today and did not have a chance to do art, but I wrote this free form poem.

Revealing more and more of my heart,
The lack of contentment within,
The old familiar lie revealed,
You are just like my father,
Your only plans are for my destruction,
So much wrestling to let that go,
So much struggling to be free from that sin,
And yet it remains and rears its ugly head again.
I am confronted with my sin by a trusted leader;
I would have run away before;
I would not have even sat in the room,
I would have destroyed myself in some way.
This moment I turn to You and weep and mourn,
What a wretch of a creature I am!!!
All of my righteousness like filthy rages;
A constant reminder that I am nothing without Christ,
Exposure of the demand to get it right to be free from pain;
Your words echo, “In this world you will have trouble,
But take heart, I have overcome the world.”

But what does it mean that You have overcome the world?
Satan appears to still have dominion over this world,
Our flesh is still as corrupt as it was the day we were born,
Evil is all around, decay rules the earth,
Trouble and suffering are the norm,
When is the overcome part,
Where is the King will rule on His throne forever?
You seem so far away when I want You very near,
So intangible; when I want You to have arms and legs and feet.
You have given me so much, revealed so much,
And I do not understand why I cannot be satisfied;
I want so much more of Your revelation.
Why am I never content Abba?

Lost Sheep, Thursday, July 15, 2010

2010-07-15T19:16:00.000-07:00

Lost sheep wandering around in the darkness,
Living as if life is fine and under control,
Yet totally bond by Satan’s lies and sin.
The light shines through the narrow crack in the heart;
Some quickly receive it but then turn away,
Some shut it out immediately, hiding deeper within,
Some grab hold not fully realizing but embracing.

What of those who turn away and hide?
I did that so long myself for so many years,
Embracing some of the light, but living in so much bondage,
You still reveal to me more and more light as I grow.
But my heart aches for these lost sheep that cross my path,
All I have to give is our story and Your light;
The passion, love, and compassion are overwhelming.

The long time question remains for all of us:
Are You truly the God You say You are?
Sovereign, loving, holy, just, good, in control of all. . . .
Will I trust You with the lost sheep I see?
They are really Your sheep, not mine;
You have more grace, mercy, love, compassion than me;
May we all be empty vessels to be filled by You.

Poem, True Life, Tuesday, July 12, 2010

2010-07-12T20:35:00.001-07:00

Posting this Monday, but it will be my blog for Tuesday. Tuesday is a little crazy, so wanted to get a head start on things. Not in iambic pentameter, but a rough Sonnet.

Burning fire in my veins the passion flows,
Where can I go to release all of this confusion?
As quickly as live comes, so intensely it goes.
This must not, could not all be an illusion.

What can I make of my soul and sexuality?
There are constant eyes to the sins of the past,
Many of those sins were from ones I had no immunity,
And some stayed forever, while others went so fast.

I am left with my passion, love, and story--
Which brings light that awakens some
And sends others further into the darkened quarry.
Will there be darkness or the light of the Awesome?

That is all I really have in this life,
The One who is and is to come as True Life.

Squirrel, Monday, July 12, 2010

2010-07-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

This is a one minute sketch from a photo a a squirrel that was taken out the window in my house mate's sister's house in Texas. They had squirrels everywhere there. It was so green and lush compared to Tucson.

Little Chick, Sunday, July 11, 2010

2010-07-11T12:09:00.001-07:00

This is a little wet into wet chick. As i was working on stuff today, I was thinking that I need to devote some time to my mother, son portrait that I need to do for my friend this is my third mother child portrait that I have done for her. Perhaps, I can do the progression of the portrait here on the blog.

Goldfish, Friday, July 9, 2010

2010-07-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

This is another watercolor fish from the Painting Chinese Watercolors. This was a splashing Goldfish that I did. It was supposed to be more wet into wet, but I was doing it in a thin sketchbook paper and I did not want the paper to buckle, so I did not do it too wet. Would love to do it bigger on watercolor paper sometime.

Bubble Eye Fish, Thursday, July 8, 2010

2010-07-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

This was a fun fish to paint out of the Painting Chinese Watercolors. I like painting fish they are fun. Susan inspired me to look at fish again from her blog from the California fish that she painted. The Painting Chinese Watercolors is my favorite animal painter it is by Lian Quan Zhen. I just use watercolor paper. This one was actually done in a sketch book.

Splashy Garden Flower, Wednesday, July 7, 2010

2010-07-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

Painted this flower from our garden on the side of the house. It was a splashy little watercolor sketch. I am playing with how to restore my colors after scans with gimp, so I am still working on all of that. It is a fun adventure.

Tortoise, Tuesday, July 6, 2010

2010-07-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Another one minute sketch. I love animals. I have been sketching these off of photographs from various zoos. This one is from the Tucson zoo. I love to go to different zoos and take lots of pictures of animals. It is good. I have lots of material for one minutes sketches.

Poem, Struggle of Faith, Monday, July 5, 2010

2010-07-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I finally understand something,

But it slips away like water in a hand.

I have a simple idea of life and God through my story

That appears radically wrong to mainstream Christianity.

I struggle, toil, and study to discover the deep things of God and man,

And I am left with more questions upon unanswered questions.

My finite brain trying to wrap around the infinite mind of Christ,

I am left with the light and dark simplicity of following the Holy Spirit,

Working my salvation out with fear and trembling,

And constantly screwing up because I am nowhere near like Christ.

I go back to the Gospel again and again,

The basics of grace, mercy, love, forgiveness—

My heart dwells there like a child eating candy.

Are we ever able to follow grasp the Gospel?

Is there anything basic or simple about God?

As I am trying to rationalize these things with my mind,

I realize, I am unable to fully comprehend

Because it all comes down to faith.

Sleeping Panda, Sunday, July 4, 2010

2010-07-04T13:22:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July!!! I love Panda's. And I love the brush pen. This guy was in San Diego when I visited sleeping in the trees. I would love to go back at some time, but it will be a while.

Slow down and sketch, Saturday, July 3, 2010

2010-07-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

It often takes a physical impairment to slow me down and make me look at what I am doing with my life. I got in a car accident on the 22nd of June and it has resulted in a lot of pain and exhaustion, thus slowing down. I have been thinking about my art a lot in this time. I put these structures and boundaries around my art that I can only do these things or this book and then I get overwhelmed and discouraged and do no art at all. I was thinking today that I just need to slow down and play again with my art. I did a couple of one minute sketches. The one minute sketch comes from the book - Art Escapes- which my house mate Susan Cepin gave me years ago. So, I decided to do this little collage to remind myself to be more playful and just have fun with my art because that is what it is all about anyway.

Cartoon bunny, Friday, April 9, 2010

2010-04-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

Here is a little cartoon bunny. It is the first exercise in the book. This is actually the first time that I am making an intention to work through a book, so we will see if I keep to my commitment.

Playful Raccoon, Thursday, April 8, 2010

2010-04-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

I have decided to give some direction to my art to get things going and I have a goal to get drawing animals confidentially. So I am working on a book called First Steps: Drawing and Painting Animals. This is one of the little drawings in it.

Playing with primaries, Monday, March 22, 2010

2010-03-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

I was just goofing around with primaries because I was really liking Winsor Blue. So here is to playing

Poem, Sunday, March 21, 2010

2010-03-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

Mountain Solitude was today. We go up Mount Lemon and take off by ourselves and spend time in nature with God. The stream where we go in the winter at Bear Canyon was a flow which is a delight to treasure in the desert. I loved it. I walked around just to soak everything in a lot and talked with God. This was the little poem I wrote:

Bubbling, babbling stream

Running forever on,

Rejoicing of the day ahead,

Rejoicing of Christ and God.

You flow with freezing snow melt

From the great mountain above,

Flowing down, down, down to the valley,

Talking of the glory above.

You lift my heart to a higher place,

Setting it up on the ground above,

To gaze into a face which

Looks down on you and I with love

The Creator of this all.

Pansy take two, Thursday, March 18, 2010

2010-03-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

I remembered a program you could download called GIMP that was talked about during an art night several years ago at the Village by good friends Benji and Susan. So here is take two of the Pansy which I am much happy about as it looks a lot more like the picture was.

Pansy, Wednesday, March 17, 2010

2010-03-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

I made this watercolor the other day and took forever to scan it in. I do not have photoshop anymore, so I have problems altering my scans. So I do not like how they look. But anyway, I am using this painting for a journal for a Baby Shower gift, so had to scan it in.

Out of Control Sunflower, March 9, 2010

2010-03-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

We have these great Sunflowers in our house right now. One of my house mates suggested that I paint them. I keep thinking she is going to walk through the door any minute now, but she is gone for three weeks. So here is a splashy bit of sunflower for Julie. I miss my hugs.

Splash of Primaries, Monday, March 8, 2010

2010-03-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

Whenever I am trying to get myself back into art, I like to play around with color. I did this this weekend as I was playing around. Doing Forty 4X6s for Christmas cards this year really burned me out of art. So I am trying to get back into the groove.

Poem, Monday, February 8, 2010

2010-02-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

So for my birthday, I decided to post a poem I wrote a few days ago. I have not written poetry in years. Before that, I wrote constantly. I was greatly grieved by this the other day and wrote a poem finally. Perhaps there will be more poetry in my life for my 34th year.

You say you want a different life,
Crying and pleading for change,
But when the morning star rises the habitual sin remains.
The endless pit of unbelief and darkness,
A blessing from God turned to an addiction by the flesh,
All because of a lack of trust in God’s goodness.
Will He free you from this mess?
Does He want you saved?
Can you trust a God who has allowed so much?
He has freed you from so many things,
Rescued your very life from the grave,
So many times He has pulled you out of pits,
And yet you turn away again in this.
Another time of rejecting your very Savior,
Even though He has proven Himself worthy.
Will He do it again?
Can you trust Him with this?
Is he truly loving and forgiving?

Water Bottle, Sunday, February 7, 2010

2010-02-07T18:49:00.000-08:00

So, this is another of my favorite things. I purple water bottle from my sister that was a Christmas present with dragonflies on it. I carry for my new water bottle everywhere. It is made of aluminium and it sure beats the old plastic ones I used to use. Much prettier.

Tea Cup, Monday, February, 1, 2010

2010-02-01T19:05:00.000-08:00

I quick sketch of my favorite tea cup. I like to drink peppermint tea in it each night with a bit of honey. This was done on a watercolor spray painted background with a black brush pen.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

2010-01-31T15:10:00.000-08:00

Art taking a back seat. That seems what life has been for the last few weeks. I have had more time to hang out with people and minister to lots of people and be with people, but art has certainly taken a back seat. I am not sure if that is good or bad. I know people are more important than art and there are some times that I could do art and choice not to because I just do not have the discipline. I have three spray painted backgrounds waiting to be drawn on on my desk and they have been sitting there for two weeks. God was really getting on me the other day on where I spend my time and what I really want. I say I want to do art, but I do not spend my time on it, so is it really a desire or just a fleeting wish. I have limited my creativity for a while. No poetry, no written songs, no photography. I do not think God is very happy about that. I often don't do it because of lack of discipline. It is the same reason I struggle to get up in the morning. I have discipline in some areas of my life and absolutely none in others. So, my prayer is to have a little discipline and to have fun while I am at it. I wonder if I can actually do it.

Collage Abstract, Sunday, January 3, 2010

2010-01-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

This is the second Collage that I did like the one yesterday. I had so many pieces of stuff that I decided to do two. Fun Playing!!!

Spray Paint Abstract, Saturday, January 2, 2010

2010-01-02T15:47:00.001-08:00

This is an Collage that I did several weeks ago after doing a ton of watercolor 4X6s for Christmas cards. I just wanted to play. It was a fun Collage Abstract. I spray painted the watercolor paper and then put it on the black paper.

December 30, 2009

2009-12-30T14:29:00.001-08:00

Well, I have been gone for a long time. It is hard to keep up with a blog without a computer. Mine was stolen several months ago and I finally have the replacement. So blogging away we go. I am going to start the new year with blog. Unfortunately, the world of the internet and friends missed by forty-two 4X6 paintings that I did for Christmas. I could not scan them without a computer and now they are all given away. So, it is time to do more art because I have a secret goal for the next two years. God has got me in a place of resting and waiting and I need to do some music and art while I am here. So let's hear it for the beginning of 2010 and a new start with a new computer. I will have a really fun abstract up tomorrow for New Year's Eve that I did a couple of days ago.

To Please God, Wednesday, September 23, 2009

2009-09-23T11:42:00.000-07:00

I realized the other day that I have been choosing dispair, fear, and depression instead of life these last few months. There is life in the misdt of paying off massive amounts of debt. God has been trying to teach me that and there is life in IBS land. The other day I was praying with my housemate and realizing just what a gift this disease is to me and what it has been teaching me in the realm of taking care of myself and turning to God. I want to try to choose life again and choose to please God. I did this watercolor in my journal last night and hope to start drawing and painting for real again.

Sunglasses, Friday, August 28, 2009

2009-08-28T15:06:00.000-07:00

So I have this problem that I will not do art until the conditions are ideal which means the perfect supplies, lots of time, and the right environment. This is very mad for me because this rarely happens. So I am trying to break myself of this habit, my first step is to draw from random places where I am always with whatever I have around which often means my black (not waterproof, but acid free) pen and my sketchbook journal. My first attempt, my office during a break. I drew my sunglasses. These are lovingly refferred to as my migraine sunglasses in my community house because the first pair was bought by my house mate when I was totally being attacked by migraines and light and flourasent light was killing me. These block out all the light even on the sides; they are perfect. I wear them always, even in long meetings under flourasent lights when I am having a bad headache. My other housemate wore them the other day when she had her eyes dialated over her other sunglasses. They are huge; they fit over my glasses that is why I love them so much. So, water smears and all from my drink. Here they are.

Things to do for fun for free, Thursday, August 20, 2009

2009-08-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

So I have been depressed about my tight financial situation and the fact that I have no money because I have been paying of my life of debt. But I realized today that there are so many fun things that I could be doing that I have either paid the dues for, have the stuff to do it or it is just absolutely free. I just have to kick out of this dispairing mode and do the fun stuff God has for me to do. So here goes with my list and hopes that I do some of these things. Today during lunch I went for a great walk in nature and saw two beautiful butterflies.

Go Workout at the Gym

Swim at the Pool

Take Lucky for a Walk

Paint something

Play with Paint

Color in my coloring Books

Draw Something or someone

Go to the Zoo and sketch

Cook something new with stuff I already have

Clean the kitchen, my room, the yard, whatever

Take a bath

Dance to fun music

Read

Watch a TV show on my gift from God computer

Watch a movie on my computer

Play with the kids

Sword fight with Elliott

Go to the Zoo and just watch the otters play

Call a friend

Talk to God in the hammock

Memorize a passage of scripture

Drink Tea

Put on Lotion

Put on Makeup and believe I am someplace fancy with God just in my own house

Play Guitar Classical or Acoustic or get really brave and play both the same day

Rub Lucky or Daisey

Brush Lucky and give her a cookie

Play with Lucky

Sketch Lucky

Look at inspiring pictures on my computer

Paint one of the pictures

Start the three crazy abstracts that are in my head

Talk with a Friend over tea at my house

Call someone on the phone

Swing in the Park

Lay out in Nature

Go for a Hike

Playing with marine blue, Wednesday, August 12, 2009

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I love just to play around with watercolor and I love Marine Blue by Holbien. So here is some fun.

Splashy Sunset, Monday, August 10, 2009

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I love sunsets and I wanted to do this splashy sunset off of various pictures of the sunsets of the beach in San Diego where I went in 2007. I have been able to look at all my computers with my new laptop. It has been amazing how God has been providing for me and I always think of Him lovingly providing for me when he gives me a beautiful sunset or when I actually rise early enough to see a beautiful sunrise.

All Things in Christ, Sunday, August 9, 2009

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I have been battling my lies and my sin lately and God prompted me to do this little stamping page to remember that He is more powerful then the one who is in the world and I can do everything in Christ.

Spring Flowers, Friday, August 7, 2009

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To honor my dad who is recovering right now and hopefully he can come see this. I have returned to the life of blogging. I have got to do something to get back into art. This is what I have been working on for the last few months. It is a full watercolor sheet 22X30. It is off of another half sheet one that I did of Falling Leaves that was similar. I am not going to blog everyday, but now that God has graciously given me a computer. I guess I could do some blogging. I miss it anyway.

Guitar Break, Sunday, May 3, 2009

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I have been doing a lot of thinking about this blog lately. One of my house mates asked the other day how it was going and if it was becoming a burden (or something to that effect). I started thinking and it seems that my art life has suffered because I have been critical of everything because everything revolves around posting it here. I have not done a big piece or started a large project in a while because of it except the one for church. I have been doing a lot of sketching and small stuff, but nothing that I sit down for a few days to work on or that is bigger than my journal. I have not really played with my art either. I have also neglected one of my soul foods, music tramendously. So, I have decided to take a break and work on a painting that is just random fun. It is a full size watercolor sheet that I started months ago, but have not worked on in ages and I am going to take this month to focus on my classical guitar. I might blog here and there, but I am not going to try to keep up with the everyday thing. It just makes me crazy. So there it is. Sorry to disappoint those who watch constantly. Hope to bring you some really cool big things in the future. For now, I am going to focus on my first artistic love - Music.

Mexico Flower, Saturday, May 2, 2009

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This was one of the flowers in the court yard of the condo that we stayed at in Mexico last weekend.

Take Back Life, Friday, May 1, 2009

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My constant life struggle to take care of myself so I can take care of the people around me. I want to fight for my life with God and my life with work and I have to take care of myself to do that. I have been struggling to learn that. I have been sick again for over a week, and I am tired of being sick. I wish I was well, but God usually allows me to be sick for a while to slow me down and get me to be with Him and take care of myself. Perphaps one day I will learn this lesson.

The Impossiblies, Thursday, April 30, 2009

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So, I was thinking that I just want to express how I feel. I would like one of the two of these to happen. I have been dreading work because we have nothing to give, nothing to offer, no money for anything and I am doing lots of extra jobs because my workers have been reassigned. So I either want the State Budget to be fixed or an endless vacation.

Doodle 4. Wednesday, April 29, 2009

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Crazy week with lots of meetings, work and busy life, but I got this doodle done during one of the meetings.

Disciplines Completed, Tuesday, April 28, 2009

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It is finished. My first large scale collage and stamping.

Disciplines beginning, Monday, April 27, 2009

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Well this is the starts of my painting. I did ink jet transfers with whiskey and made the house smell like a bar. My pastor came in and was wondering what was going on as his wife explained that I was painting with whiskey. I then put in the watercolor around it. I am going to do some stamping on it to finish it up, but that will be another day. It is a full watercolor sheet on hot press so it is hard to get a good picture of it.

Fellowship, Sunday, April 26, 2009

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Our church is big on fellowship and eating together and I could not talk about the discplines we do without including this one. I like who this photo altered because it looks retro.

Worship, Saturday, April 25, 2009

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I really like who this altered because it makes the figures so annymous it could be anyone of us. It is really my friend Emily Lewis who really worships God with her entire body. I love to watch her, ecspecially when she dances for Him.

Sue, Friday, April 24, 2009

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As you read this, I will be headed to Rocky Point. My blessed friends have decided to treat me to a vacation. I cannot thank them enough. So, I decided to post some things I have been working on for a altered image painting for our church open house. I took a bunch of pictures and altered them in photoshop and the next few days are the pictures that I liked the most. This is my first attempt at this, so it is not a lot of altering.

Flower, Thursday, April 23, 2009

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Little splashy flower from a cholla with watercolor.

Doodle 3, Wednesday, April 22, 2009

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This is a doodle that I did at work on a conference call.

Prairie Dog, Tuesday, April 21, 2009

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Another sketch from the Desert Museum. I just love the little fat prairie dogs out their. They just sit and watch everything. After doing a quick sketch of this one, I thought it actually looks mad and it did not in real life. Just resolute to sit and be content.

Ocotillo, Monday, April 20, 2009

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The Ocotillo are in bloom. I love the Ocotillo when they are in bloom because they look so desolate and barren, but they are really not. They are alive and fruitful and when the red blossoms pop out you know that they truly are ALIVE.

Desert Museum, Sunday, April 19, 2009

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This is a watercolor sketch from the Museum looking out one of the major view points. It is always a good challenge for me to paint in public because people come up and talk to me and ask me questions and watch me, ecspecially children. I had two couples commenting on this one while I was doing it and battling the wind that kept blowing up my paper in my journal. Note to self: Binder Clips

Moving Wolf, Saturday, April 18, 2009

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It was suggested by my spiritual dad to go sketching at the zoo on Friday, and I went to the Desert Museum instead. Very close to the same thing, but a little more of an adventure. This was the wolf that kept moving and passing around.

Lady Sculpture, Friday, April 17, 2009

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This is a sketch of a sculpture that my house mate Julie made and gave me several years back. I like the lady a lot and look at it frequently. Julie said that the sculpture reminded her of me and my recovery in life. As I walk down this path of life and walk with other people and new people down this path of life, I think of this picture often as I see new people begin the long journey of healing and life and opening up and exposure. And then as I find myself on the edge of a new cliff with God, I find myself back in this point again at times before I take that leap and burst off the edge.

Dancing Mannequin, Thursday, April 16, 2009

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Quick Sketch, this has been a nonstop week with sickness floating through the house.

Hand, Wednesday, April 15, 2009

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Quick sketch of my hand. I am working through the projects in the book "Keys to Drawing." Many of the projects I have done before in my very first art class, but it is fun to do them again. This is one of them. It is an interesting brain experience to draw your hand from this angle.

Life Collage, Tuesday, April 14, 2009

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I used to collage more than I do now. I thought of a collage of my life and what life is now for me and embracing life. This is how it turned out.

Shoes, Monday, April 13, 2009

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My shoes that I really like because they are so comfortable. Done with a brush pen. I love the brush pen a lot.

Lucky, Sunday, April 12, 2009

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Happy Easter!!! Here is a sketch of my dog, Lucky.

Guitar, Saturday, April 11, 2009

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My guitar. I actually played it the other day. I am going to try to play it more regularly again.

Giraffe Mingle, Friday, April 10, 2009

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My housemate Sue says this looks like a Giraffe. I think she is right.

Primary Mingle 2, Thursday, April 9, 2009

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More playing.

Opera Pink Mingle, Wednesday, April 8, 2009

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Playing around with watercolor again. These are my two favorite alternative colors. Opera Pink and Sap Green.

Doodle 2, Tuesday, April 7, 2009

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Another doodle, the checker board idea is a big theme in my doodles. It always has been. This started as a little doodle and then expanded across half the page.

Doodle 1, Monday, April 6, 2009

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I realized today that I used to Doodle a lot during meetings, but I have not in a really long time. I did this doodle in my meeting today with work. It kind of looked like a woman so I added the little face at the end.

Stool, Sunday, April 5, 2009

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One of the stools in the kitchen of our house. I drew as my friend Susan visited the house with her baby Alice.

Daisey, Saturday, April 4, 2009

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The house children's dog Daisey. She moved in the middle of me trying to get a quick drawing of her.

Medicine Box, Friday, April 3, 2009

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My life revolves around medicine most of the time to keep my head balanced and let me sleep and function like a normal human being. I have two of these medicine boxes, one for the morning and one for night.

Kleenex, Thursday, April 2, 2009

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Crazy day with lots to do. I got this kleenex box drawn last night with gel pens.

Daffodil, Wednesday, April 1, 2009

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These daffodils are in the living room of our house. I drew one of them with gel pens. It was a fun little experience. Sorry that I forgot to post the picture. Here it is!!!

Egg Beater, Tuesday, March 31, 2009

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This is a little Egg Beater in the kitchen that the kids play with. It is more for decoration then actually utility. I did this with gel pens on black paper.

Garden Shovel, March 30, 2009

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I keep wondering if I should attempt a garden again this year. I forgot to water it most of the time last year and it bore flowers but no vegetables. I drew the garden shovel instead. It went off the page, maybe that is a sign that it wants to be used.

Bursting Heart, Sunday, March 29, 2009

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I had this image that I have boxed up my heart after being wounded by the last person I dated and it is trying to burst out. It has been successful at getting out here and there with my sexuality and with being a woman, but I have been still keeping it behind bars and boxing it up most of the time. I think the fear that I talked about in an earlier blog has a lot to do with the fact that I am trying to hide away and protect myself. So as I branch out in my art and as a woman and try to conquer down my fears, I will try to let my heart out of this box.

Delicate Flower, Saturday, March 28, 2009

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God has been talking to me about being a delicate flower and taking care of myself. I had this vision of myself as a purple flower surround by rocks and gravel. Here it is 4X6 watercolor

Blue and Red Mingle, Friday, March 27, 2009

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Another mingling of watercolor

Purple and Orange Mingle, Thursday, March 26, 2009

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Purple and Orange watercolor mingling of colors.

Primary Mingle, Wednesday, March 25, 2009

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I was doing these watercolor wet on wet washes to see how colors reacted to each other. The next few days are the results.

Black and White Cat, Tuesday, March 24, 2009

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I usually come home and clean the kitchen. I am thinking of coming home and doing a sketch. Today I came home and drew this cat. Had some issues with the head, but it was fun with the gel pen.

Chimenya, Monday, March 23, 2009

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I realized as I was thinking about drawing yesterday that I have been living out of a lot of fear lately. Fear of my body doing wacky things. Fear of eating the wrong thing. Fear of living. Fear of dieing. Fear of losing weight. Fear of not losing wight. Fear of being noticed. Fear of not being noticed. Fear of painting. Fear of drawing. Fear of using someone elses computer or asking even though they have told me I could. So I decided to draw this yesterday and reinstitute this blog. I am going to be gone some this week so I am going to post some things I have done over the past several weeks that I have not posted. But I am going to choice to fight for my life and me and my art. So here goes.

Barren, Tuesday, February 11, 2009

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Watercolor, stamping and sticker

Will It Return, Monday, February 10, 2009

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I have not played guitar in a long time. I keep wondering if I will ever get back into do it.

Birthday, Sunday, February 8, 2009

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My Birthday. Had a little bit of a break of a day being single and 33, but God has me waiting for a lot. So I sat at the park and was still for once in my life under a ramada in the rain. I think God is asking me to be still and wait.

Renewal, Monday, February 2, 2009

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Watercolor and pen

Flower, Sunday February 1, 2009

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Well, I have been crazy in January and going to try to get back at this now. This is a quick watercolor sketch in my journal from today.

Flamingo, Wednesday, December 31, 2008

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Flamingo in the zoo.

Bali Mynah Bird, Tuesday, December 30, 2008

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Bird in the zoo from Asia.

Necklace, Monday, December 29, 2008

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This is the necklace that my sister gave me for Christmas. It is a silver celtic cross.

Circles, Sunday, December 28, 2008

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Circles, more fun with spraying watercolor paint.

Keys, Saturday, December 27, 2008

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Keys

Leaves, Friday, December 26, 2008

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A little creative fun with sprayed watercolor. Leaves