Two Sunsets

My friend Andy Stang really likes sunsets and reminded me of late of God's hand in them. One of these, I did a couple weeks ago for Andy. The other I did today just having fun.

Butterfly

I was challenged this morning by a man I dearly love who is a father to me. Challenged in my thinking and in my patterns to do something seemingly impossible to my mind. I am not sure if I actually succeeded in the challenge or not, but I learned that much more of our thoughts and moods are a reflection of choices then I wanted to believe. As I was rummaging through my mind that often seems so closed off to me, I was thinking of renewal, rebirth, redemption, and such things. They often remind me of butterflies, so the sketch for today is this butterfly from the International Wildlife Museum.

Poetry of Purpose

Words flowing endlessly
Like tantalizing gifts
Coming from the source
Of all that exists.
The mind finds one there
The mouth another here
Honey dripping from the lips.
Thoughts bubbling, roaring
Up to the surface,
They exist in the mind
To be written with the pen.
A challenge from the Master
To see the world through
Eyes filled with grace and mercy.
Deeper and deeper within
The poetry reveals the truth
Existence has purpose
To Glorify the Master.

Lynx

I wrote the two poems for today last night after I had a hard day dealing with the Lithium I am on. I had went to the International Wildlife museum yesterday to draw and take pictures. It was a struggle to do either as I could not stop my hands from shaking. I have been having tremors from the medication that I am on currently. This Lynx was the only sketch that managed to survive from my frustration with my hands.

Two Bipolar Poems

Sometimes in life
There are periods
Of massive discomfort.
Nothing seems bearable,
Nothing makes sense,
Everything twirls around
Like a carousel
As your head tries
To make decisions
But nothing is right.
Replaying each option
Always some good
Then there is bad.
They try to explain
There is no right
And no wrong
Only choices with
Consequences that vary.
My hear wants law.
My head legalism,
But it is not
The way of God:
Freedom for the Captives.
My brain agonizes
With the grace
Of this truth.







Chemicals race through my veins.
Too many to count them all.
They have crazy side effects
That makes me want to stop
This chemical dependency
That I have been forced into.
But the alternative is worse:
Depression, Mania, Psychosis
I cannot bear life
Without these psychotropics.
I wonder how other think.
How they feel and decide.
What their emotions are like.
As for me, I seem unable
To free myself of this roller coaster
Unable to think with clarity
To decide from sanity or insanity.
I want a manual for life.
Trying to gain information, knowledge
In some feeble attempt
To make sense of the cycles.
Even this vary act seems futile,
Why can’t I just let go?

Botanical Garden Flower in Tucson

I went to the Botanical Gardens in Tucson this morning. I spent some time sketching the flowers and got to see the Tropical Butterflies before they leave for the season. I like this painting the most because it was the most dramatic for colors and got the dusty wind of the day in the blue around the flower. It was very fun and relaxing, but still struggling with the medication and overheating easily.

Living with Mental Illness

This is a 16X20 acrylic and the photograph takes away from a lot of the texture. This reflects my thoughts on mental illness. The narrow, green path of chemical balance that can be disturbed so easily and throw me into the highs of mania or the spiraling lows of depression. It was really fun to paint, but took me at least an hour to get the paint off of my hands and arms so that I could be presentable at the interview that I had this morning.